I started through a really rough period right after my last entry, making it extremely difficult to think, let alone write coherently. The disease itself was not the cause of the difficulty but rather some huge problems with a couple of allopathic medicines, specifically as they were prescribed for me by my primary care physician (PCP), and then his refusal to change to a different medication in spite of the severe reactions I was having.

In many ways, I feel like the last six to eight weeks or so weeks are nothing but a blur—lost time when I have little time left. My hospice nurses fought hard to get the right medications for me, but on their suggestion, I finally had to switch to a different PCP who is more geared toward the hospice experience as what it’s supposed to be; i.e., what is called “comfort care,” making the patient as comfortable as possible, and helping them attain the best quality of life possible within their limitations due to whatever disease and/or conditions they have.

The switch to a different medication and a new doctor made all the difference in the world and put an end to the devastating side effects of the drug, as well as the stress of dealing with additional symptoms and the feelings of being manipulated and controlled by a doctor who couldn’t or wouldn’t treat me as a whole human being and not just pieces and parts.

As tough as this time has been, even this is part of the “testing” of my resolve to stick with it, so to speak, until my final transition to the astral plane, based on prior lifetimes in which I didn’t rise to the challenges. So, I made it through once again, and in the end have an even better doctor than I thought to hope for.